Ben & Shae Cecka's family in Gilbert, AZ

I’ve dealt with loosing my friend in different ways over the past three years, and this year I took the time between his date of death, and date of birth to journal my memories of him and how this all has affected me. If you’d like to read further, please do.

Dec. 29
“(01-02) 12:11 PST TIJUANA, Mexico (AP) –
A 20-year-old U.S. Army soldier was strangled to death in this border city, authorities said Thursday.
Pvt. Conrado Salinas of Fontana, Calif., who was assigned to a maintenance company at Fort Irwin, was found dead Dec. 29 outside the Hotel California in the city’s downtown, said Liza Davis, spokeswoman for the U.S. Consulate in Tijuana.
An autopsy determined the cause of death was strangulation, Davis said.
The homicide division of the Mexican state police will conduct an investigation. Officials at Fort Irwin, 120 miles east of Los Angeles, also were investigating.”

Dec. 30
The first time I met him was in summer school. I stared at him from across the room in one English class, and sat right behind him a few weeks later in the next. He was much more quiet than I expected by the looks of him, but then when I got to know him a little better I saw that this too was just another layer, and he could be loud and funny when comfortable.
I had an odd habit of stealing stickers off packages and produce at the grocery store, and after we had become buddies I noticed Conrad peeling away at my food label decorated folder. I gasped and told him he owed me a sticker. At the end of summer school he found a sticker for me.. I thought I’d be presented with an oval 5150, or a star shaped New and Improved! But no- much better. Nice, big, black, brand new sticker with a raven on it, and the word “Nevermore,” to remind me of summer school and reading Poe together. If I can’t say nothing else nice about the guy, I must say he can pick out a nice sticker. Just kidding.
He was quite the thoughtful young man.

Dec 31
New Years Eve will always remind me of Conrado, and not just because it is in between his birth and death dates. It is the night I received the horrible news.
I was living in Portland at the time, and Ben in Spokane. I drove up to spend the holiday with him. Ben’s parents left a bottle of champagne in the fridge, and Durin finally made peace with me after I broke out the catnip.
I got a call from my Dad, and he said Conrado’s mom Darcelle called. I called her back, to wish her a happy New Years, and also because my Dad sounded really funny on the phone. I’ll never forget how concerned Darcelle was for me- she said she had some news, but didn’t think I should hear it on such a night. I told her it was okay to tell me, and I knew right then, but it still came as a blow when she spoke those words. I sat outside in the cold and cried. Poor Ben didn’t know what to do with me.
When I attended the funeral I saw old mutual friends. The most surprising of all was Jason- I remember FoHi days of throwing food and stock piling trash in the corner, wiping boogers on the wall and so on. But one thing I don’t remember much of Jason was him talking to me. But the day of the memorial he walked right up to me and threw his arms around me. I couldn’t have felt more at ease at that point. It’s funny how death brings the living closer together.
I thought is so odd that Darcelle had such concern for me, when she had lost her very own son
Oh, there is more, and my thoughts are scattered and I don’t think I am writing well, forgive me. It is New Year’s Eve and a poker game is waiting for me. It is peculiar that this day is solemn for me at a time for celebration. I think it works out nicely that way- helps me to re-direct my focus.
(insert profound words of wisdom here)
Happy New Year.

Jan 01
The first time I talked to Conrado on the phone I asked, “what’s that noise?” “what noise?” he asked. “I hear some noise, it sounds like a dishwasher running or something.” He laughed hysterically. “That’s my band practicing. Billy and Chris are in the garage.” From that point on I would know Detest as dishwasher rock.


I miss that infectious laughter. That face splitting grin. His deep voice and calm demeanor earned the nickname Eeyore from me, but I’ve never seen that donkey laugh like Conrado did. He invited me over to his house one day to play a new video game he got. I think it was Resident Evil. He didn’t warn me that zombies would jump from behind me and eat me. I screamed and made about a foot of air beneath me. He burst into hysterics. When he finally calmed himself he told me he did the same thing, and invited me to play his game just to see my reaction (and later to hear the character in the game play Moonlight Sonata, one of my classical favorites.) My increase in heart rate was worth hearing him laugh, and after that he kindly warned me were he knew a zombie would lurk. But I still jumped, and he laughed again.

Jan 02
I spent a day with Conrado at the beach one summer, with a church group. He tried to drown me. Okay, not literally, but those of you that knew him, know that he liked to joke around. He’d drag me to the ocean and pretend he was going to hold me down for the next wave, but then let go. Repeat.
When all the horsing around finally tired us, we both fell asleep on the sand. Ooops. Big mistake. I’ve never been a brighter shade of red, and although I couldn’t see his burn on his dark skin, I knew he was hurting too.
The next day was his little sister Mimi’s birthday. I remember the damn birthday song (that unfortunately, AOL now owns, fyi) seeming to last forever. I felt so bad, but I stayed in the kitchen just long enough for her inhale to blow out the candles, and then I ran to the bathroom. Seems that too much sun can actually make you really sick. Ugh. Conrado had a weak stomache, and he certainly did not run in after me to hold my hair or anything, but he was right outside the door to comfort me when I was done.

Jan 03

Thank you for sharing the drawing, Jennifer. The only thing Conrado ever drew for me had something to do with one of Max Cavalera’s “three tribes.” He loved that guy. He even named his dog Max. I have a drawing of his that he copied from Sepultura’s Arise, but it is in pencil, and so light, and I caught my room on fire once and there is soot all over it not much for photographing, and my scanner… well, nevermind. I do have this though- a doodle on a back of an envelope he sent to me when I moved to OC.

I owned a book one time, a sketch book that I had all of my friends draw in. Wendy, you drew a pretty little pot leaf in it, with a message to me. Got me in trouble with my aunt and uncle. Conrado drew a Soulfly album cover (surprise, surprise.) I lent the book to some guy at FoHi I barely knew to draw in… and I didn’t get it back. Err. And I am so mad I cannot remember his name, he looked latino and had dark hair. So if you know him, and you see my book with the many drawings in it, kindly ask for it back.
I’ll pay you handsomly er- in housecleaning.

Jan 04
I’ve done a little drawing of my own… I took some pictures one time of Conrado, Chris and Billy in Conrad’s garage, and I caught this one shot of him so deep in thought I don’t think he realized I took the picture. I took the photo into my art class and made a water color painting of it.

I remember my teacher wanting to crop it around his body, and I am glad I caught him before he hacked away at it. The empty space is important to him, I told Mr.I-wish-I-could-remember-his-name. He looked at it a moment, and then nodded his head in agreement. I guess he liked it well enough, because he entered it into the school art show, and then it was shown again in a gallery somewhere in a down town-ish part of Fontana. No, I don’t remember the name of the street. There was a Sater Bros close by, does that help?
It is funny how my memories weave in and out of each other, and events are linked to others in my mind. Conrado went with me that night to see art gallery, and after that we went to Connie Pate’s viewing. She also is one who went before her time, but in God’s perfect time. Only 12 years old I think, died after a seemingly harmless bicycle injury. Conrado went inside with me… and that weak stomach I mentioned he had? He went outside and emptied it. I thought of all this at his own viewing. I couldn’t even go in the room he was in. Darcelle was so sweet, and encouraged me to at least walk in to sign the guest book. I did just that and left, having only quickly seen a portion of his profile from a few feet away. I cannot believe how well his family seemed to hold up. His mother and sisters, God bless you, you are forever in my thoughts and prayers.

Jan 05
I love this picture of him. I can’t quite put my finger on why exactly, it just has a quality to it. Wandering through the field.

My friend Shanna hosted a formal sweet sixteen party for herself, March ’98. For a guy that didn’t like to dance, Conrad sure did give it some nice effort. My friend Tiffany was with us, and the three of us decided however much we loved Shanna and the rest of our friends there, it just wasn’t really our scene. I had my camera with me and emptied a roll of film just acting silly. We trotted along the neighborhood doing stupid things, or rather, photographing Conrad doing stupid things upon request. What a nice guy.
We ended up past a residential area and into an empty field, where we got some interesting pictures. We ditched the party to dance in waist-high grass.

Jan 06
I used to steal by brothers shirts out of their closets to wear. Some of you girls out there have to know where I am coming from- his clothes just look better on me. When I became close enough friends with Conrado I did the same thing. I lived far away from my brothers after all, and my boy clothes had to come from somewhere… my cousins were too skinny. I loved Conrad’s clothes. I even started buying some of my own that look like his… only, I still stole his clothes. Well, I didn’t really steal them- he said I could borrow something and then after I had it for a while he said I could just keep it. It kind of made me feel bad, did I make them smell bad? Did he not like sharing clothes or something? All until the day I caught my room on fire, and I wore George Astrada’s clothes to school. Then Conrad wanted to know why I wasn’t wearing his. Haha. I guess he didn’t mind me wearing his clothes.
I still had some when I left Fontana. I had a pair of jeans that fit SO nicely on me. They were a little holey, but I liked the character. Then I dated this guy Damien and the jerk snuck the jeans out of my drawers and threw them away before I realized it. I don’t think I hate anyone, but Damien comes close to me hating. How such a wonderful, kind, beautiful woman could give birth to something so nasty I will never know. (Sorry, no offence to you Ineke.) Oh yeah, back to Conrado’s clothes. I also got away with a blue flannel button up shirt that has also acquired a bit of character. Normally I would ditch it after the beating this thing has taken, but you know- sentiment.
This blue flannel, somehow, got a nickel stuck in the cuff. The strangest thing, I could not find a hole in it. Through washing and wearing it eventually wedged itself between a button and the seam, just enough room for it to fit snugly. I guess it eventually wore the fabric out, as one day when I was living with my father in Portland Oregon, I heard a clank! On the kitchen floor. I looked down and picked up a shiny clean nickel, and examined the sleeve cuff. It pushed itself out alright. I took it as a sign, right then and there to write to Conrado. It had been sometime since I had talked to him. I remember letting him know how much he meant to me, and I sent him some poetry I had written when we were together. I told him all about Ben, and that I would be getting married to him eventually, and maybe moving to Spokane to where he lived. I send the letter with my new address and phone number, and he never used it. It was his mother who called me, shortly after he died. I don’t even think he got to see the letter. Such close timing too… I imagine it arrived the weekend he was in Tijuana. I’m glad I didn’t send it any later though, Darcelle contacted me just in time for the funeral, which I was glad I was able to attend. It is a person’s only chance to say goodbye. Death comes so unexpectedly for some, and so young for him.

Jan 07
I mentioned Conrado was in a band called Detest. Detest lost drummer Billy and gained Raul, and Mark DeLeon joined the group to play bass, Chris still on vocals sounding like Chino. I think we were at Raul’s house the day I came to see the new band practice, and Mark was not only new to the band, but I think new to the bass also. Conrado put down his guitar to pick up the bass, to show what Raul what he had in mind. I was surprised to see that Raul picked it up rather quickly, I thought it was a new instrument for him. I was also baffled that Conrado knew how to play the bass and I did not know all that time. He told me he used to play it, before he picked up the guitar. Many musician friends later, it wouldn’t surprise me to see someone talented familiarize themselves with more than one instrument; it did intrigue me at the time. Conrado certainly was not boastful of his talents.

Jan 08
We had some weird inside joke. One would hold their hand out palm up, then curve the fingers up and wiggle them. The greeting was always returned with the same jesture, like some kind of alien greeting. Light blind me, I cannot for the life of me remember what that was all about.

Jan 09
…and we had funny things in common. Like- we both had aunt’s who’s birthdays are on Valentine’s day, and we both had a best friend named Chris/Krys, who were vocalists in a band. He knew his Chris longer than mine. Story has it, those guys knew each other since they were like two. He lived next door, and when I saw Conrado I usually saw Chris. He was a part of the Conrado package deal.

Jan 10
The only reason I have a picture of this is because I was taking a photography class at the time, and I brought my camera to school on this day. I was not quite the picture whore then as I am now… though I wish I were, I’d have more pictures of Conrado and his friends.
So, we had our “spot” to hang out at lunch at school, but it got a little crowded so our spot moved. Does anyone know who picked “the spot?” You’ll have to let me know. I don’t remember. Our hang out was at a far end of school where portable classrooms were built for excess. To get to where we were you had to sneak between a wall and a fence with bushes and trees growing out to attack you. Walls on parallel sides, one with some kind of pipes or something lined the area, with bushes and a fence on the opposing sides. We could see people walking by through the fence, but unless we were being looked for, we went pretty much unnoticed. For those that did see us, it appeared that we were caged in, which very well should have been the case the way we acted sometimes.
Here is a picture of Conrad joining Jason and Jennifer at the table that some one so graciously commandeered for the sake of our group.

And here is a picture of the trash pile.

We contacted the Waste Disposal Committee of the Fontana School District about putting in a trash receptacle, but they turned down our request on account of an alleged vandalization. I think it was a booger on the wall, to be exact. Just kidding. Well, except for the booger. I’m pretty sure that happened.

Jan 11
Months before my eighteenth birthday, I violated the contract I had with the state that released me to my mother, and I thought I would go back to Orangewood Children’s home. At the time, I thought living on the streets would be a better choice for me, and I ran away. I went from friend’s house to friend’s house until I ran out of people in Orange County who’s parents didn’t know I was there. I don’t remember all the specific events, but I know Conrad’s friend Kim was the one that came to pick me up, and drove me back to Fontucky. I don’t think I was there much over a couple days, (if that?) when my mom called there pleading my friends to tell me to call her if I was there. I did, and she talked me into going home, and I am glad I did. It was not as bad as I thought it was, and it would have been much worse for me had I stayed any longer. I am thankful for the friends that fed, housed and comforted me, and equally thankful for the individual that ratted me out. I know who you are, and I thank you.

During the time I was gone, I was so scared and confused. I saw Conrado while I was out there, and it was so nice just to see an old friend. I have a scar from that day on my right hand, where he bit me. I love it. I’m pretty sure the deed was reciprocated, I used to like to play rough. It was nice to take my mind off of things for a while. He took me for a walk and we stopped at a coffee shop. He ordered two cups of joe, and fixed them both with cream and sugar. I’ll never forget that Conrad knew how I liked my Coffee, and after all that time away from him he still remembered. He didn’t even have to ask me, he just did it. It may seem simple to some, but I realized a little more that day what a good friend he was. Everyone needs to have a friend that knows how they like their coffee.

Jan 12
Here is Conrado and Holly gluing a quarter to the ground at school, on a commonly traveled side walk. You can imagine what follows. The best are the people that laugh at themselves, and stick around for the next victim. Conrad was not the only one laughing that day.

Jan 13
My friends in other places knew and respected Conrado, before they even lay eyes on him. We remained friends after two years of dating, and I brought a piece of him with me wherever I went. At Silverado I met a girl named Bridget. She drew a Conrado stick figure with a little message to him. I think I was supposed to send it to him, but I kept it for myself, and now I’m glad I did.
I met Conrad’s evil twin in Mission Viejo. His name is Lamont. I first heard about him when kids said Conrad looked like him, after seeing his photograph in my Space Ghost journal. When I showed Lamont the photo of my friend, without introduction, he exclaimed, “I don’t look like him!” Apparently, he thought he did, as I did not explain first why I was showing the picture to him. Lamont appears to have disappeared… somewhere “north,” to be exact, according to a psychic. I fear if I ever see that guy it will scare the crap out of me. He has striking resemblance to my now deceased friend.
My buddy ChrisMike, I love him to death, but a lot of people found they were annoyed by him when they first met him. He was just a little abrasive at times. Conrad loved him though, when he finally got to meet him on a visit. Mike stuck my last cigarette in my guacamole at Denny’s (to make a point that I cannot remember) and instead of being taken aback, Conrad broke into a lovely peal of laughter. Later that evening, still annoyed with Mike, the three of us visited the hot tub. Again, my memory fails as to why, but I got out in a tiff and walked away, pulling down my shorts to give them “the moon.” Hysterical laughter followed, and I thought it was because I actually showed them my butt… no. I guess it was that perfect movie scene, where there is a plant just big enough to censor the body part in question. My work in vain made me even more angry at first, but after I thought about it, it was impulsive and I didn’t REALLY want to bare my flesh. But I did- and this way I got to get out my immature aggression through a nasty act, AND Conrad didn’t have to see my butt. (pshew!)
Conrad loved everybody, and everyone adored him. The last visit I had from Conrado, he was already in the army and home on leave. I lived with Tami at the time, and worried about Conrad’s stay with us, as her husband TL was a confessed racist. I heard some pretty nasty things come out of his mouth, but Tami told me not to worry about it. TL not only was respectful and nice to Conrad when he came, but he offered me some really good cream to give to him for his new tattoo- “SALINAS” in Old English letters across his belly. I so wish I had my camera for that trip. One of my last memories of him, was Tami, TL and I standing in the doorway of my room watching Conrado cat nap on my bed with his hands curled under his shirt up on his chest, breathing his fresh ink.
The next day he drove me to Starbucks, to my place of work, before he went home. I wanted to bring him inside to meet my friend and co-worker Ben (who would later be my boyfriend, and then husband.) But I did not, for issues of time, and this has left such a sour taste in my mouth. How was I to know that the last memory I would have of Conrado, would be him driving away in his little white pick-up truck that day.

Jan 14
Happy Birthday, Conrado Salinas Jr. I love and miss you. Sorry, but the flowers will have to wait until I come down in February. I know your mom and sisters are taking good care of your headstone in the meantime.
I hold all your memories dear, and I am sorry for those I seemed to have lost. Thank you for all the music you introduced me to, and for making me laugh whenever I could. I appreciate your friends and family I know because of you. I wish I could meet who you would marry, I wish I could meet who would become your children. You would have made a wonderful father. I’ll have to settle for your nieces and nephews, and I can’t wait to meet them. The Salinas women are beautiful, and I am anxious to see what cute babies they can make:)
Thank you for visiting me in my dreams, even if you do occasionally scare the dickens out of me. Rest in peace, dear friend… or dance in celebration. Whichever suits you first.